Hello readers. This is my weekly Writer’s Toolbox piece of writing that I found most interesting. This week I added my feedback from it. I think I have to improve my sentence length variation at first and I got 100% overall. So this is what we had to do:
Set your story somewhere under this spectacular sunset.
Just one thing. You MUST include all of these words:
- violet
- guacamole
- skedaddle
Make it shine.
My writing
The spectacular sun shimmered in the clouds, the last sun rays shining upon the city Hakata. Violet-like fog lasted in the city, creating a mystic feeling of airiness and curiosity. Back in the city, stalls of the market began to tidy up and put their stuff away. Pan and Milli, mischievous little orphans, couldn’t miss this golden chance to steal some food for dinner. Quietly, Pan tip-toed out behind a rock and grabbed all the food left. Guacamole, bread, soy sauce, chilli sauce, unfilled tortillas, all stuffed in a dirty old bag Pan found in the rubbish bins. He passed the bag to Milli and told her to skedaddle back to their little ‘laboratory’.
But things didn’t turn out easy; the stall owner discovered that his food had gone. When that happened, he called in all the stall owners to look for the thieves. Searching every creek and corner, the kebab seller has found a slab of guacamole on the ground and chased after the avocado-smelly track. But he stopped. He stopped and took pity on the bony kids gnawing on little food that they found, gave them some money and said that he will pay for the food that they stole. After he left, Pan and Milli had a warm feeling in their heart and at least there are still good people that live in their world.
