Dear Mother.
Have you ever wondered why your son walks around doing nothing at home all the time? That is because I am not allowed to go out with friends I trust and socialize with. This is why I strongly believe you should allow me to go out with my trustworthy friends. I will get to have a fun time with the people I am close with, I won’t be as annoyed and It will reduce my boredom.
Firstly, one major benefit would be that I’d get to have a fun time with people I feel close with. The main benefit that I’d get would be that I get to go out to fun places and have fun with my friends. This matters because I will have the opportunity to connect with my friends and bring laughter along to different settings with people I trust.
Secondly, I won’t be as annoyed as much. I always have to go around to the same people and most of my cousins at home aren’t even my age. Being with my cousins would always be boring doing things that they want without giving me time to think. Hanging out with my friends will help by letting me go out and experience new things without my cousins bothering me. Which would solve that issue and give me more time for my friends.
Lastly, I’d finally get the chance to get rid of my boredom I have all the time at home. This helps my argument because at home there is barely anything to do besides all the five repetitive things I do. At home I’d be bored but with friends it will become a whole different story! I’d be able to talk with friends, have fun times and connect with friends!
So with that, these reasons lead me to why I believe that I should be allowed to go out with friends that are trustworthy. I will get to have a fun time with the people I am close with, I won’t be as annoyed and It will reduce my boredom. Please consider letting me spend more time with friends.
Sincerely, Kas.
Question score 31/ 44 (medium score)
-
You clearly state your request and give three focused reasons: spending time with trusted friends, feeling less annoyed at home, and reducing boredom. Each reason has some explanation, such as being able to “connect with my friends” and “experience new things.” To earn the next point, add one specific, realistic example to each reason that shows why your mother can feel confident saying yes. For example, describe an activity, place, time, and safety plan for meeting friends.
-
Your letter has strong persuasive structure: a greeting, a clear opinion, three reason paragraphs signaled by “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “Lastly,” and a polite closing request. Your question at the beginning also engages the reader. To earn the next point, keep the tone respectful by focusing more on the positive benefits of seeing friends than on cousins “bothering” you. For example, explain how planned time with friends helps you build healthy friendships and return home feeling happier.
-
Your letter is easy to follow because it has an introduction, one paragraph for each reason, and a conclusion. The connectives guide the reader through your points, and the conclusion returns to your main request. To earn the next point, make clearer links between each reason and why your mother should give permission. For example, after explaining that you can connect with friends, explain how this makes the outing a valuable and responsible use of your time.
-
You use several precise words that fit a persuasive letter, including “trustworthy,” “socialize,” “opportunity,” “repetitive,” and “argument.” These choices add detail to your reasons. To earn the next point, replace repeated general words such as “fun,” “things,” and “go out” with more exact words. For example, name a specific place or activity you could do with friends and use words that explain its benefit.
-
You use a variety of sentence types, including a question, statements, and an exclamation. Most sentences are clear and complete. To earn the next point, revise incomplete sentences and sentences that contain several complete ideas joined only by commas. For example, attach the sentence beginning “Which would solve” to the sentence before it, and separate the ideas in the sentence beginning “I will get to have.”
-
You use correct end punctuation for most sentences, as well as question marks, commas after your reason starters, apostrophes in contractions, and exclamation marks. These punctuation choices help your reader understand your ideas. To earn the next point, correct the greeting punctuation and fix comma splices where complete sentences are joined by only a comma. For example, use the usual comma after the greeting and check the long sentence that begins “I will get to have” so each complete thought is punctuated correctly.
-
You spell many challenging words correctly, including “wondered,” “socialize,” “opportunity,” “experience,” “repetitive,” and “trustworthy.” This helps your persuasive ideas sound clear and mature. To earn the next point, proofread for small typing errors before turning in your work. For example, reread slowly and check words that look unusual, such as “alllow” and “Hanging ou.”
Read more